I had pictured a big family. But, the lack of sleep and physical toll of toddlers was exhausting me. I questioned what sort of mom I would be to Carrot and Pumpkin with the further stress of more kids.
I really worried about messing them up. Would they feel my love, or just my crabby exhaustion?
Two things have made me feel a little better. First, in one tearful, breakdown conversation with Croi, she said, “you will mess them up. We both will. It’s what parents do. Your parents were great & messed me up. My parents were great & messed me up.” Somehow, that made me feel better. A lowered bar.
I am not going to be anywhere close to a perfect parent. And that will have to be okay.
And, then we had a sweet, caring, tough little girl come stay with us for a week. I really like the feeling of a fuller house. Kids running back and forth. Shrieking and giggling.
Our floors certainly aren’t clean. If you come over–we are calling the weeds “wildflowers.”
But, the stress was NOTHING like when Zucchini was here. My brain knew it. Now my body does, too.
My to-do list is still a mile long, but I am looking forward to having another one come join our bunch.