If first birthday parties aren’t so much about celebrating the birthday as much as celebrating the success of the new family making it through the year, Carrot’s birthday party was certainly a celebration of our new family. Nervous excitement ran through the air. And Carrot has a big smile that comes easily.
Zucchini’s party was not the clusterf*ck I feared, but nerves were high. I so wanted her to enjoy her first birthday party ever, and any hint of normal preteen displeasure made me worry that she would sabotage part of her party. A few moments were “boring.” “There was nothing to do” and “this party sucked.” But, I was so proud of her for putting those feelings aside and trying to soak up the love of the people around her.
I have huge mom guilt over the lack of pictures I took that day. I was so worried about her, and managing the chaos of fourth grade friends from three different schools, that I hardly picked up my camera.
I will remember sweet Zucchini after the party, party dress on, boots kicked up on the patio table, ginger ale in hand, and relaxed vacation face on. It is the happiest, most relaxed I have ever seen her look.
Sometimes I think that if the best thing I ever do with my life is help her get that look, it may be enough.