Three is Not One More

In a few hours, I will drive to pick up Zucchini for another weekend visit. Overall, the visits are going very well. But, I must admit, I have a sinking feeling of dread.

Carrot has her tantrums, but things are pretty easy with just Carrot and Pumpkin. After Zucchini’s hour long screaming tantrum in the parking lot of the beach, I am thinking about how much we second guess ourselves when she is here. Are we being too harsh? Too lenient?  How much is emotional that she can’t control?  What part of her behavior is within her control?

I have heard that the biggest adjustment in parenting is going from zero to one child. That’s when your lifestyle switches. Then, for each child added things don’t get doubly or triply as difficult, but rather just more layered. So, hypothetically, the D.uggars are barely feeling that 19th child.  I don’t think that’s true for foster children. Zucchini triggers Carrot–suddenly she feels neglected and is acting out. Her big sister won’t eat vegetables (or really much of anything) so my little foodie suddenly becomes a picky eater. And poor Pumpkin just gets shuffled to whatever parent isn’t dealing with a crisis at the moment.  

 

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About EratMama

30 something midwestern gal, married to another 30 something midwestern gal, conquering depression, rockin' foster parent.
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5 Responses to Three is Not One More

  1. mommie2be says:

    Certainly the way that your family is growing (from the youngest up) changes the dynamics A LOT. Thinking about you my friend. This is HARD, really hard, and its okay for you to be feeling that.

  2. Erika says:

    You guys are taking on what most of us wouldn’t be able to. You are good parents. I’ve seen you in action and, while I know the second-guessing will be inevitable for awhile, you guys are the best glue to bring these three together. Also, lean on us WHENEVER the need arises. Seriously.

  3. wishinghopingpraying says:

    Parenting is hard under the best circumstances, a million times more complicated in your situation. Having one child whose behavior dramatically alters the environment is very difficult and stressful. I live that daily and I understand about second guessing and shuffling babies while running to put out fires. Big hugs. I am here if you need a friend.

  4. Beck says:

    You can do it! And it is fully acceptable to admit that things are hard or challenging. You do what needs to be done & what can be handled at the moment. Shuffling happens. Having more personalities DOES change the dynamics. Things change when my school-age one gets off the bus. I have been asking myself similar questions about my oldest – do we expect too much? What is within her control for her age/emotional development/etc.? What is not within her control? Ultimately your Zucchini will learn that you love her for better or for worse & better is, just – well, better. Remember to reach out to your support system – it helps!

  5. Sadie says:

    I’ve very often heard three is by far the toughest transition (and this is from friends who have six and nine children). We have only two and that’s been a struggle to adjust to. Three, and in a non-traditional fashion, can only be that much more of a challenge. I doubt you’ll stop questioning yourselves, but my guess is that just means you are indeed doing it right! You’re doing amazing work, I’m in awe.

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