One month check in

One month ago, Pumpkin entered the world. Four weeks ago today, we got the life-changing phone call.

Ensue sappy ramblings about this life changing event here.  Those of you who are parents probably know 95% of what I am going to say. Those of you who aren’t parents are probably already rolling your eyes.  It’s okay.

He’s beautiful, he’s challenging, he is pure love. When he looks at me with those sweet baby eyes, I feel like we understand each other in a way no one else has.

He has made me grow more in the past month than I thought possible.  Settle really, into more of myself.  I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, but somehow I feel we’ll figure it out together.

And one month sleep deprivation?  Not too bad. Mental health wise? I’m actually, surprisingly doing okay.  I feel like a “normal-ish” new mom.  Can’t remember any words, but I know what’s going on. I’m not using all my energy to hold it together.

I parent purely gut. And, the ease in which I can make decisions and change myself for him is surprisingly easy.  The one who can’t stop talking and worrying about others, had a son who forced her to grow up. I will not speak my insecurities about his mother in front of him.  And since when I am home, I am in with him 99% of the time, I will not speak my snide comments.

Croi and I are really calm. I’m not sure what it is. Several friends have commented on what calm new moms we are.  Maybe it’s just  because it feels right.

I am so relieved that I feel like a “normal new mom” (whatever that is) and am not battling my own mental health issues.

Whenever I think things are going better than I thought they would, there is a voice that says, “Just you wait.” “If this is easier than you thought, you know something soon is going to be so much harder than you thought.”

But, then I gaze at those sweet little eyes again.

Sigh.

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About EratMama

30 something midwestern gal, married to another 30 something midwestern gal, conquering depression, rockin' foster parent.
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4 Responses to One month check in

  1. K says:

    It does get harder. And easier. And harder. And easier. Each stage has it’s own joys and challenges. But at the root of it all are always those eyes.

    ❤ Happy one month, Mama.

  2. CoffeeBlue says:

    So, so, so very happy for you 🙂

  3. seattlegirl says:

    WOW…I can’t believe it’s been a month already! Congrats to you and Croi and your place of calm.:)

  4. Monica says:

    I just spent a sleepless night with a little guy. I’m tired, frustrated, emotional. Then I look over and his eyes locked with mine. He can’t smile yet, but he looked so very content, I was awash with affection for him. Amazing little creatures, aren’t they? Congratulations on the beginning of a magical and trying journey. I’m so glad you’ve been blessed to start well 🙂

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