Can I enroll a fake kid?

Trying to find a day care for kids who don’t exist yet… or for kids who do exist, but we don’t know who they are.

A few of the places that have been consistently recommended to us have a 1.5 to 2 year waiting list. 2 years! No, we don’t live in New York.

Many parents would get their kids signed up while they are pregnant, but we don’t have that option.

We went to daycare #1–at home, waldorf style, up to 8 kids, they go outside everyday, bake bread, eat organic meals, sing songs. I left thinking that even if I could stay home I’m not sure I could do a better job than her. I wish I could sign the kid (s) up now. We are praying she still has room in a month or two or three when we get the call.

Daycare #2–Intergenerational Care. Do crafts with their “adult friends”, some of whom have disabilities. Rave reviews. 2 year wait. Not holding our breath to get in there.

Daycare #3–Larger center. Good reviews and recommendations. Our alderman takes his kids there. Each room only has 8-12 kids (depending on age) but it is very school like. It made me sad to think of the kids being groomed for school at such a young age. Where is just the playing? I don’t want them to have cubbies in the hall where they hang their coats, and eat corn dogs and fish sticks! Yes, both of those items were on the menu this week. They may or may not have openings when we need them.

I am this close to calling the centers to enroll fake children. “Quinoa, age 3,  and Oriole, age 2 months will be joining us Oct 15th.”  Just make it up.  Then, call back later and say, “oops, change of plans”–and give them the real kid info. But at least we’d be on the list.

I keep saying that “as long as these kids are in our house, they are our kids” but last night I was sad that for this case it isn’t true. If we knew these kids would stay forever, we would probably dig a little deeper financially to take more flex-time, more unpaid FMLA time, etc. But, we don’t know how long they will stay.

I am trying to remind myself that the state will pay for part of day-care, and that is so we are able to keep working without repercussions. But, when I look at that institutional setting (however warm, friendly and engaged it might be) and think that is the best future for this child, it makes me sad.


About EratMama

30 something midwestern gal, married to another 30 something midwestern gal, conquering depression, rockin' foster parent.
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5 Responses to Can I enroll a fake kid?

  1. Have you looked into headstart? I know it isn’t a true daycare, but I think they take birth to five (i think, dont qoute me) and it sounds like it is strongly encouraged by the state. At least that is how our foster mom teacher made it out to sound. And head start is fully covered if i recall right from our class. I know head start isn’t great, but at least it is something to think about and I am sure they are used to working with foster parents so it may be easier to sign up, ect. Just my 2cents.

  2. mommie2be says:

    The daycare thing just kinda works itself out. And from my experience, centers are willing to give you a little nudge up the list when you play the “foster mom sympathy” card 🙂

  3. Carrie says:

    Mommie2be is probably right (as always 🙂 ) that it will work itself out, but I sympathize with your anxiety! My sister gave birth to twins, so had plenty of warning, but just couldn’t decide/face reality…and ended up being able to enroll her kids in a daycare they LOVE quite close to the end of her maternity leave. It will work for you and Croi too!

    @Tracy – There are many absolutely fabulous Head Start programs, and it is one of the most successful programs for the poor that our country has ever invested in. However, it is for 3-5 year olds (there are also Early Head Start programs that serve younger kids, but these have home visiting components as well and I don’t know that they’d be relevant for foster families), and at least where I live the programs often have shorter days than typical daycare centers.

  4. erathora says:

    I was hoping I was not naive in thinking this will work itself out. And Croi is able to take 6 weeks or so, and my mom can help fill in some gaps. Thanks!

  5. erathora says:

    Also–foster kids do go to the top of the waiting list for Head Start/Early Head Start. But, there are only 3 early head start centers in our city. One is connected to the center we toured. The other two are nowhere near us. I’ll just keep being naively hopeful for now.

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