Overwhelmed Already

Part I:

I think we are lead to believe that pregnant women are nesting, hormonal, worried, or otherwise odd due to hormones. I think this is load of crap.

People about to undergo arguably the biggest change of their lives are overwhelmed because… well, it’s overwhelming.

Of COURSE we’re excited. Of course we love the onesies, and the sleepsacks, and the tiny crib sheets.

But, there are days, when it all hits me. What are we doing? Things will never be the same. Am I prepared for this? I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m tired now. What will I do with two sleepless little ones?

And it starts to circle in my head. And it feels depressingly, anxiously familiar. Which intensifies everything. Making me question–What ARE we doing? Am I so out of touch for thinking I can do this?

Until my favorite has a similar day. I reassure her, and realize all the things I am saying to myself. That everyone feels anxious when they are pregnant. Just because we’re not pregnant doesn’t mean it’s all harps and angels singing.

Part II:
A friend lent us a book about sleep in children. (one of the Baby Whisperer ones) I’ve been reading it, and started to panic. There is so much to consider. If we soothe too often, they become dependent. If we don’t soothe enough, they won’t trust us. Who knows what they will have been exposed to. What is reasonable to ask of a two year old who has been to 4 different homes in his short little life? How can we ask him to stay in his bed?

After some panic, I put the book down for awhile.

Croi and I talked and realized that our first goal will just be to help the child feel safe and attached. When we make mistakes, and we will make plenty, let us remember that goal.

All the rest will come later.


About EratMama

30 something midwestern gal, married to another 30 something midwestern gal, conquering depression, rockin' foster parent.
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3 Responses to Overwhelmed Already

  1. K says:

    Deep breaths. 🙂 Here’s what I’ve learned about all the books and parenting theories: They’re good to read in a broad, “Parenting 101” sense, but actual parenting decisions are made on the fly in response to a bazillion unknowable variables about your child, the environment, etc. Often, they are made at 2am in a haze of sleep deprivation. And then in the morning, you talk about it and either continue down that path, or plot another. What you think you willl do now is likely very different from what you actually will do. Hell, what we thought we’d do a week earlier is often different from what we’re doing now. LOL! I’m rambling (see above re: sleep deprivation) but the point I’m trying to make is that you will figure it out. Your heart is so clearly in the right place. You are gonna be just fine!

  2. Monica says:

    You so got this! My favorite phrase in early fostering: I’m more concerned about the holes in their hearts than I am about the holes in their… teeth, shoes, teddy bear, schedule, etc.

    I tell that to case workers, pediatricians, attorneys, etc. all the time. With Cordelia I fought tooth and nail to let that child sleep on her stomach or in my arms for six months. Because! I wanted her safe and sleeping and despite what I’d been “taught” I knew it was right for her. And D still sleeps with a bottle in bed most nights. I’ll worry about weaning him from that comfort when I know he’s secure elsewhere.

    You’ll learn what works for your child (your child!!!) and then you’ll pick and choose which philosophy, theory, rule of thumb, whatevs, works for you.

  3. erathora says:

    Awww. Thanks to both of you. Monica–I am totally stealing that phrase!

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