Five years ago today I married a fabulous woman. I did not know how amazing she would turn out to be.
I knew she was steady, loyal, a woman of her convictions. I didn’t know that she would be able to see who I really am even when I couldn’t.
And, I could talk about those things for a long time. But, the main thing I want to write about today is a little more personal.
When planning our wedding, I got swept up in much of the wedding craziness. I knew I didn’t want a big cookie cutter wedding, no head table, no garter toss. I didn’t want my dress to feel like a costume–I wanted it to feel like me.
When rejecting so many traditional aspects, I wanted the “perfect independent us wedding.” Outdoors. Casual. Chic. Oh–and I’m a big budget girl. Combined with pressures from both sides, I got very stressed and lost sight of what we were celebrating.
I loved our wedding. I loved the feeling of all of the people who are important to us and mean so much to our lives together in one room to celebrate US!
But, for a long time after the wedding, when looking at pictures, all I could think about were all the things I would have done differently. If we would have had this vendor or those tablecloths the place would have looked so much nicer. I should have put my foot down about tables being inside and people would have danced more. I looked at pictures of other wedding dresses longingly, wishing they had been mine. Why did I not feel I deserved a nicer, more expensive dress?
Yesterday, I was looking at our wedding pictures. And found myself smiling the whole time. It took five years, but I finally let go of all of those “if onlys” and only saw the beauty of our day. I didn’t wish for a more artsy photographer–I was so glad we felt comfortable with ours to be ourselves. I saw the love in Croi’s face and the love in mine. It didn’t matter where our parents were sitting–they were relaxed, happy, and enjoying our day.
I hope it doesn’t take me five years to accept choices I am making now.