I am definitely a planner. Read a bunch of books about weddings before planning mine. Read a ton about buying a house, imagined being a landlord, before doing it.
When I was young, I imagined “worst case scenarios.” And how I would get out of them. What if I was trapped in the bathroom and the house started on fire? Hmmmm. Okay, I would just keep the water running, and it would keep me cool and protect me because it’s water. Man, was I bummed when I found out I would have been boiled alive.
I picture my life with x happening. What would that be like? How would I feel? How would I cope?
It’s also how I manage my anxiety–do something, read something.
I am trying to practice “sitting with my anxiety.” So what? So what if I don’t know the answer? I have the rest of my life to figure it out.
Part of living in my head now, is imagining what it would be like to have different experiences. Talks between Croi and I often include, “If there was a kid in the backseat right now…” “Do you think a kid would eat this dinner?”
That’s why I love all of your blogs so much. It is a way for me to imagine the struggles and how they would effect me or what I would do about it.
One of my favorite ones for this is ourgrowingfamily. She is warm, open, insightful, thoughtful, intentional, and remains positive. I’ve met her in real life and she’s every bit as nice as you think. Hearing the real-life struggles of those who do what I aspire to make me think that maybe it’s possible for me as well. She’ll hate me saying this, but she’s a real-life hero. I mean her outlook is amazing.
I have given myself permission to begin to acquire a few gender neutral baby things. I’m not sure yet if it’s giving myself permission to think about and FEEL positive things for my future or if it is trying to manage my anxiety by planning–aka control. (Oh, the trouble of perpetual over-thinkers…) Either way, it’s a little fun, and I’m hoping her cloth diapers will add to the collection. I mean check out these cute bottoms.