One of many.
People are telling you “there is nothing wrong with you, but this just makes you feel like they really must not understand you. They really must not see all the things you are working so hard at hiding. Their reassurances don’t help you feel any more okay about yourself.
You feel like you spend a lot of time and effort trying. It may not always seem like it, but I know you are trying very hard. And, yet you are still unhappy.
I would like to say that Yes, that means there IS something wrong with you. It is called severe depression and is treatable. It is not a character defect. Yes, you are that far gone (and further) but it did NOT mean that the only answer was that things would not get any better.
My advice is to try a little less hard. What? Don’t give up, but don’t try so hard to protect the ones you love from seeing how much you are hurting. You don’t have to “fake it til you make it.” That’s not gonna be your thing. You need to be honest. All the time. With everyone. Starting with yourself.
If someone does not believe how badly you feel, tell them again and again. This is treatable. It’s not easy. But, there will be times when days go by and you haven’t thought about all the dark stuff. at. all. And you’ll just be living.