I went to a booksale this weekend, bought way too many books and was excited. I really debated posting about this, because, really, it’s small, and there is nothing to say about it.
But, then I realized why I was excited. There was a time when I didn’t think it would be possible to be excited about anything ever again. We had plans to go SKYDIVING, and I thought “there’s one more thing I have to do.” If I couldn’t be excited about skydiving, I reasoned that nothing would make me feel that spark. Even skydiving wasn’t a reason to postpone suicide.
Let me say that again. I looked at that picture
and thought of how terrible it would be, how I didn’t deserve to spend that money, how other people would have fun, but I wouldn’t, how many things I needed to do/organize before going, only saw the negative.
I want other people to know that it is possible to be excited about arriving to a church book sale one hour before closing. It is possible to have spent your whole life over analyzing every decision, and put so many books into one bag without worrying if you will ever read them or not. It is possible to look at a stack of books and think, “I got all of those for $5! How fun!” and NOT “I’m never going to read those. What will people think of me for buying those books? What if they sit on my shelf for a year?”
It is possible to just see something that interests me (yes–something that interests me). Something will grab me. And put it in my bag. And then I’ll have another, and then I’ll have another, and then I’ll have another. And now it’s 6:15. (5 points for anyone who got that Ellen reference 🙂 )
It is possible to see the physical results of something I did impulsively, and think, “Yeah, that’s cool.”